We Only Have Now

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We really do only have the now!

Seriously we do!  This week I really learnt this , in fact it slapped me round the face and kicked me up the arse!

When my brother died in a car accident so very long a go I remember the constant thoughts in my mind and it always started with “I wish I had….” I so often take things for granted or “as normal” but the truth is, untill they are taken away, I start with the “I wish I had!” again and again.

Now for my lesson, because out of every devastating, heartbreaking, soul destroying, sad and crushing moment comes a lesson! As I have said before I have never learned anything from a happy place! The truth is we will crash, fall, go low, be hurt and feel loss and heartache but (you know I love a but) as I have looked back it’s where I have learned so many lessons in life.

My mum went into a nursing home yesterday, never to return to the home where she was my queen, head of the house and home maker, also the best “Bubble and Squeek” maker ever!

You will read in my book (one day) that my childhood was a complicated one.  But the constant was always my mum being home with amazing hugs and brilliant sense of humour! (yes, that’s where I get it from!) Crisp sandwiches! Sunday roasts, best garden in the world with “Grass borders” that would win awards and get me in so much trouble when my mates would come over to all play the “Liverpool game” of the day before. The best birthday cakes and nighttime stories and the greatest Christmas gift I have received and it cost nothing! It was hidden behind the curtains I stared at yesterday but with no mum.

I am mourning the loss of my mum but she’s not gone, only her mind but not all of it!
An example of this is when my dad said “I’ll bring you in a picture of Ian!” My mum ….
“Why? He’s not dead yet, he’s here!

Anyway enough sharing my personal life and to the point of my writing today, because we really do only have today! You can’t get life back on “Catchup or +1, you really can’t! So in my experience of life through my own experiences I’ll make a list because I love a list! BUT (I know, another but!”) the things on my list HAVE to come with “No return!”

  • Have no regrets
  • Reply to a text or phone call
  • Call someone
  • Listen and trust those who love you.
  • Tell someone you love them
  • Social media is not a face to face conversation
  • Hug someone. Honestly that’s ok you know, despite the madness of today!
  • Eat the bloody cake! In fact do as I do & buy the instant spray cream and have a cream fight!
  • Re above…..Book a carpet cleaner!
  • If You don’t like some one that’s fine but don’t pretend!

I have learnt though my life that, honesty, thoughtfulness, kindness, understanding, laughter and love for self and others is just wonderful.

Make memories to hold! My granddad, every Sunday would take me on his shoulders to watch changing the guard at Buckingham Palace.  We would set off from the East End of London and jump on the bus, the excitement was breathtaking, I’d sit on his shoulders and watch the guard regiments, chair the guard.  I knew every regiment by sight and would listen in awe to the music, marching and that noise of the boots on the ground! On the way home we would stop and have cake, I was always a “Chelsea Bun” but it wasn’t called a cake between me and my granddad it was a “Coik”.

It is so simple to make magical moments and it really does not have to be expensive or ground breaking. Sometimes the simple things can be a lifelong memory as it was in my case! The only thing we need is time and that’s free! Oh and maybe some change for a bus ride and a coik!

I suppose the point of this week’ blog and vlog is that time is so precious! I am as guilty as anyone of waiting it away sometimes.  In fact I’ve waisted a lot of it away and as my next birthday looms not too many months away, I’m not waiting another moment, in fact not one minute. Why?  Because time is free, opportunities endless and the ability to create memories, love, laughter and happiness simply endless!

But…

We only have this day….

1 COMMENT

  1. Every word so very true so lucky to have met you and have you as a friend & have you in our life’s we have laughed together & iv cried you always manage to turn my frown upside down 😊
    You really are an inspiration & you made my dream come true 💕 lots of love & of course a huge hug xxx

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