So December has been and gone! When did that happen? I swear it’s still March!
I know December was here because I’ve seen Christmas jumpers, trees all sparkly and hosted a Christmas party and more importantly I can officially post I am watching “Love Actually” without having to keep a dark secret a secret! I watch it all year! I know, “my name is Ian and I’m a Love Actually addict.” In my opinion the greatest movie ever written. I know, I am a soppy old sod!
I always find Christmas tough to be honest. I think lots of people do! I suppose we all think everyone is having the perfect Christmas like we see in adverts and movies all though this time of year. To be fair I always feel a little happier after watching “Elf”, inspired after watching “A Christmas Carol” and an emotional wreck after “A Wonderful Life.” I know right? Me emotional? Never!
When I started contributing on this incredible website I swore to be myself to write honestly and from my heart. No fluff, bullshit or PR. Just me being honest and writhing my truth, experience and now. It’s kinda not worth posting anything to be honest unless I can be true to my self! …..It’s the only way!
I know I should be funny, that’s my image right? To put the mask on and let everyone know I’m ok and Mr “Warm-up guy!” The warm up guy to the biggest shows on TV and world wide superstars. That is the Image right? The great pretender. The face I want you to see! But and its a huge “but”, because of this website I get to say and type my truth. Why? Because I can and there is no shame in doing so. Mental health is very real and on some occasions viciously battling in my head. The problem is it’s not like a broken leg or an arm in a sling where people would say “Are you ok?” It is hidden and only I can see it, feel it and live with it. For those of you that know, you’ll know it’s an all consuming heavy weight to carry. For those don’t know it’s like worry multiplied by 1000. Can I be cured? From being me? No chance! But I can certainly be it’s master. Mental health, anxiety and depression are not pulling me, although honestly, some days it wins but I like to think of it as a two leg football game. I get to go again with new lessons learned and new tools picked up to fight the fight! Although I really am a lover not a fighter! *I refer you to my earlier “Love Actually post!*
How very un-Sowbizz lol..
Most people want to be a star, a celebrity, famous, front page news, experience a red carpet camera flash with the paparazzi!….. Go through Twitter and see the self seeking, self promoting, I need to be “Famous and more famous” tweets! Although to be honest I am as guilty here as them all… Yup, I hold my hands up! To be honest I too have dreamt of all that too (Stardom, red carpets, celebrity).
Now though? No bloody way! I’m just happy being me. With all my faults. It’s very grounding just being happy with self. As I know now those things don’t complete me, fulfil me, ground me, centre me! It’s all a load of masks! (But there are exceptions Many who I work along side!)
Let me give you one example!
I seriously get asked at least three times a day, “what’s Simon Cowell like in real life?” This always makes me chuckle as Simon on TV is the same Simon in the dressing room or at home. Simon is just Simon – although most say after my reply “Really?” I always tell them you never hear about his charity work and they always reply “why, he doesn’t do anything right?” And my standard, well scripted answer comes out of my top draw and my knowledge of the man I’ve worked with since day one on our shows (bizarrely I knew Simon when nobody knew Simon!) he does more than any other star I know. He just doesn’t tell anyone! That is the mark of the man and goes under the true heading of “Superstar”. He puts in the action without the words….I know, I should really try harder on that on!
I guess the point I’m making is don’t worry or concern yourself with how others perceive you! If you do “You”, you are living an honest and true life. Magical TBH! Screw what others think, that’s their stuff not yours!
You can find you. But travel “the people pleasing way” and you will not find the real you. You’ll spend your life fitting in to what you think others want you to be! Trust me I’ve tried that and it’s soul destroying! Just be proud of yourself and all your flaws? It’s what makes you…YOU! How wonderful.
Screw it! Mask down and welcome to the real Ian. No shows, superstars, stages or spotlights, just me. Right now? Not feeling that fab TBH but as I said before, that really is Ok! That’s me! I’ve got a huge amount of love and kindness.
You see the thing is, not everything in life is perfect, like in an advert or a movie ….it’s called life and mine right now isn’t exactly all glitter and sparkles but you know what, That’s ok! Its a thing called life and I’ll wake up tomorrow ready to go again which ever way that is. Always I say to myself “lead yourself Ian, don’t follow the crowd, make a new path and a new view”. Sometimes the view is breathtaking, sometimes it very cloudy and all consuming, but I have a view either way, that’s a blessing!
I’ve got a mum with Dementia (which is heart breaking). A dad seriously struggling to cope. A life full of nasty comments (which frankly I struggle with, I’ll never understand why people feel the need to be so unkind). But it really is a wonderful life because I also have a life full of people that love me for just being me! (I’d list names but you would be here all day and to be honest they do it for no PR, no fame, no anything. They just seriously care for me, that is what true superstar means, and you’ll never know their names. I’ll never forget them. I believe in kindness, caring, thoughtfulness and love always wins any day and to be honest thinking of another gets me out of my head!
Try leading and make your own mind up- its why you were given the most complex machine in your head, both good and not so good, and again, you know what? That’s ok!
Be you. You are perfect with all your flaws! Everyone has them! Even the perfect people we see on front pages and magazines – nobody is perfect, but you are because you are the perfect version of you and you get to build it. What a gift!
Be happy with you. Trust yourself, believe in yourself, know everything is going to be ok, wake up each morning and smile you woke up! Then be grateful for all you have.
Bottom line is it’s your cloud! So huff and puff and blow it away! Take a deep breath and know I’m right by your side. You are never alone and your house and head is strong!
We got this together!
Team us! Un-defeated…..